I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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