im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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