I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
