i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
