THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
