This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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