so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize