y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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