last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
