If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
