what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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