loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm passing your future prison.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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