it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
