Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Randomize
