Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
All I want is dick and wine.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
