Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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