I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
