Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize