I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
