hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
