why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
