Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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