I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
