ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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