Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
