i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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