Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
