At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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