i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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