Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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