In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize