Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
