You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
