I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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