I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
