There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
it's like heaven, but drunker
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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