There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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