why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
