took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
