how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
