it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
