I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
