I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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