we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
