I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
