This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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