God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
