I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize