he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you never un-have a 4some
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
