he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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