Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
