I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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