Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
