Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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