you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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