i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
