Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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