I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
