Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
