My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
