I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
