shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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