Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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