someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
