hotel room ftw
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
