I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wish my penis had a tongue
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
