I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
