I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
why do cheetos always look like penises
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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