does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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