Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
