There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
