suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
