Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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