Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
