next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
