My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
