yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
