didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
