you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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