It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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