It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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