Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
