I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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