Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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