I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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