We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
