I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
