i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
