Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
