HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
