I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize