Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just tell him i said nine months
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
