Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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