I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
