Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
