Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
