She said her name was "party"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
