You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
