At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
