Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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