we have pet lesbian snakes
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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